The heaviness blanketing me feels like an institutionalised parolee, free yet still bound in the snuggery of their incarceration. I try and focus on the […]
The Art Of Discernment—The Moment I Chose Peace Over Connection
While standing in my truest, heartfelt expression, I was forced to accept and honour my emotional limitations. What was once a connection that acted as the foundation of my emotional landscape, became painfully misaligned and emotionally self-abusive to the point my physical health began to decline. My Philosophy As A Lived Experience I'm learning that, for me, freedom (in connection) and being self-led isn't just about being accepting of others and responsible for my emotions and vulnerability—though this is vital. To me, embodying my philosophy also includes learning about, accepting and honouring my true expression, my limitations and my needs.…
I disconnect to reconnect—with myself!
I feel there is a fine, invisible line between avoidance and conscious disconnection; a line that can be easily misinterpreted, depending on where your perspective lies. Being a recovering fearful-avoidant, I can easily feel the pressure to be social to avoid appearing avoidant. I can also easily become isolated and enjoy it, which, one could argue, is potentially—vaguely—born from avoidance. So what does one do, and how can we tell if it stems from avoidance or a conscious choice? I think it all comes down to the intention of one's decision. If I am deciding to isolate myself because being…
The Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing: When Detachment Is Dressed As Freedom
As I search for a simpler, more honest way to connect with others, removing the chaos and masks, I walked between the extremes of over-giving and detachment and almost lost my compassion, and myself. We live in a world where safety and emotional regulation are outsourced, where love is a word stacked with hidden agendas and manipulation and where vulnerability is given in exchange for behaviour control. I can't help but ask myself these simple questions: is genuine, deeply intimate and vulnerable connection even possible, while remaining true to oneself, without falling prey to dependency, resentment and loss of self?…
The Healing Carousel: Are We Displacing Relational Dependency And Calling It Healing
Robbing Peter To Pay Paul: Displacing Dependency Have we gotten so 'broken' because of society…
Integrated Attachment™: Beyond The Extended Shadow Of Interdependence
The Shadow of Outdated Survival Attachment Modern secure attachment and the current definition of interdependence…
When Connection Deceives: The Hidden Addiction of Need
To me, being needed is like what catnip is to cats—I go just as loopy…
September 22nd—I am the darkness in the light
The others who are here are more unsettled than the carriage; their monstrous faces, pointing at me from the blackened glass panes, beckon in me […]
September 12th: Approval for Creative Writing Degree
At the exact same moment, their heart stops dead and they sourly insufflate airborne dust. The computer screen hugs their eyeballs; it’s blindingly bright down […]
A Moment In An Empty Kitchen
If a way out exists I must be lostDoes the sun shine still into the shade?Its warmth a betrayal; my tearswho yearn for a silence […]
Reach Into The Dark
I am not ok.I am not ok.I have so much hurt; it’s overwhelming me.I make decisions as if they’ll lead me toward peace but all […]